I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
too bad you live with your parents still
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
