So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I supernannyed him into submission
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
