how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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