The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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