i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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