I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
