I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
