Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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