my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
