Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
