She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
