After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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