ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
