Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
