why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
