Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
