Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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