Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
