So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
