HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
