You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
