So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ttyl tear gas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
