I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
