i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
