We won't sleep together?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
