Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
