Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
