So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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