i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
