I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
