so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
