i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
