Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
