i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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