I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
