i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
