We named our party play list daddy issues
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too high and old for this...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
