Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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