I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
