I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dick very happy bro
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
