is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My ass is underappreciated
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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