I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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