At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
