it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
