it hurts more in the daytime
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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