dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
