i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
