i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
