I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
