doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
