he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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