I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
