I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
