He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
